The Increasing Problem of Out of Control Kids, Their Parents and Their Affect on the American School System
I frequently comment on a site called Blogging Baby, and I’ve commented many times, that parents are the ones who set the standards when it comes to kids. You, as parents, decide how the game is going to be played. So, based on my experience teaching and working with a diverse group of kids, from varying socioeconomic backgrounds, I have firmly come to believe that kids behavior is primarily shaped by parenting or lack thereof.
While I believe that each child is born with a unique set of personality traits, and that there will be some “bad seeds” despite all the so-called ”right” parenting in the world, I believe that children and parents, from the moment the child is born, become engaged in an complex dance involving discipline while still allowing the child room to explore and thus grow. However, it is a parent’s primary responsibility to diligently parent (set expectations, limits, standards while providing guidance, discipline and ultimately love) and to not be a free wheeling, anything goes, best friend, from day one.
With that said, this article on Newsweek/MSNBC.MSN.com about a group of out-of-control teenage girls, highlights many problems faced by teachers in the U.S. public school system. It also shows that contrary to what some would like to believe, out-of-control, thuggish behavior is not limited to poor, inner city, minority kids. The upper middle class girls involved demonstrated many of characteristics of the troubled, inner city kids that I work with, along with a lack respect for others and, sadly, themselves. But more than anything, this article showed that WASPs can be juvenile delinquents too and that a lot of this stems from over indulgence, lack of discipline and lack of parenting.
The incident in Texas, further illustrates that we live in a society where a lot of parents are increasingly making excuses for and defending their childrens’ bad behavior, and not teaching them to be accountable for their mistakes. It now seems that more and more parents are interested in being seen as “cool” and being friends with their children. And now that “the chickens have come home to roost, we’re beginning to hear more about such incidents.
Yesterdays episode of Oprah, Class In America, hit on this topic and highlighted how class affects discipline. The show featured two stay at home mothers, one from an affluent background and the other from the working class. Not so surprisingly, the affluent mother’s kids were lacking in the discipline department and the mother even admitted to “negotiating” with her children. Not so for the stay at home mom of humble means. She emphasized respect with her kids.
While reading the comments posted about the MSNBC/Newsweek article, I noticed that a few people placed blame on the teachers, stating that they “didn’t have a backbone” and that they didn’t do enough to stand up to those girls. Again, another example of passing the blame. If the ringleader’s mother was your boss and you wanted or better yet needed your job what would you do? And, ask any teacher and I’m sure that they would agree, no matter what we say to kids, if it’s not reinforced at home or if they know that they can get away with bad behavior and mom or dad will jump to their defense, then it’s already a lost battle. We as teachers can only do so much.
Now, I’m from the so-called Generation X and I’m saying that this madness has to stop. While still young, I’m old enough to recall a time when students didn’t dare think to talk back to a teacher, let alone tell them them to shut up or give them the bird. As a child, my father encouraged my brother and I to ask questions and to think freely. But he also set expectations and demanded accountability and respect. As a young teacher, I believe that those things-expectations, accountability and respect-are rapidly diminishing among young people today.
My father told me some time ago, that when I was born, upon handing me to him, the doctor who ushered me into this world, stated, “Now son, be careful. She’s learning.” Simple, yet powerful words. Prior to posting this, I called my dad to discuss what the doctor had told him almost thirty years ago. We both agreed that what the doctor essentially told him was to not only be mindful of what would be said and done around my rapidly developing mind, but to also know that as a parent, my father was responsible for establishing standards and expectations, defining boundaries and laying a firm foundation so that I could grow up to be the best possible human being. In other words he was saying, Alright now. You helped make her and now its time to step up to the plate and parent.
My mother stated, years before retiring, that the school system “wasn’t what it used to be” and that she didn’t want me to become a teacher. The debacle with those girls in Texas, along with countless others (remember the educators on the Dr. Phil show , a former student who threatened to stab me), supports her point and is precisely why so many who enter teaching quit.
So what do you think? To say that I’m very passionate about this subject is an understatement. This issue is one that has myself and so many other teachers banging our heads against a wall, in a state of utter dismay and has left many of us sadly pessimistic. Weigh in please.
Sources:
Newsweek/MSNBC – www.msnbc.msn.com
The Oprah Winfrey Show – www.oprah.com
Cambridge Dictionary – http://dictionary.cambridge.org
Posted by School Teacher 
