Need Help Teaching Social Skills?

 

Well, I have a solution.  A parent of a former student introduced me to the Model Me Kids DVD series.  I have used the videos to teach students with Autism, Aperger’s and ADHD how to behave and respond in various social setings.  I can’t speak highly enough of how great this series is and what it can do for kids.

The videos are well designed, features real children and have the ability to capture and sustain attention.  I just wish they had a series for older kids (pre-teen and up).

Whether you have or know a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADD, ADHD or you simply would like the assistance of a visual aid, that clearly demonstrates proper social skills to young children, then check out the Model Me Kids DVD series.

Note:                                                                                                                     As of yet, I am not being paid to endorse products.  This is simply a tried and true product that I have used with great results in my classroom. 

Spare The Rod?

Has sparing the rod led to what many consider to be a generation of out-of-control, undisciplined, self-absorbed and violent youth? 

Can you believe that School Teacher is old enough to remember when spanking was allowed . . . in school!?  Well, corporal punishment has long since been banned in educational settings, however an out right ban on spanking has not been made into law. . . . yet, but all of that could change, at least in California, if one law maker has her way.

On the flip side of that coin, an interesting study regarding the effectiveness of discipline, as measured by parents, was conducted by researchers at Vanderbilt University.  The study found that one in three parents in the U.S. and Canada had doubts regarding the benefits and effectiveness of their efforts to discipline their children.   Astounding to me, to say the least.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard parents say that they couldn’t control and were even afraid of their own kid(s).  How sad!

For the record, School Teacher was spanked at times during her childhood.  Let me repeat, I was spanked, NOT BEAT, as a kid.  There is a big difference as far as I’m concerned.  My parents only spanked when something major occured and usually used other means of discipline-some traditional, some creative.  And, I am here to say that I didn’t suffer one bit in terms of self-esteem nor have I suffered any psychological damage from it.  In fact, I am thankful for and consider myself to be a better person thanks to my parents’ firm, but loving discipline.  Thinking back, my mother often said the cliched, “This hurts me more than it hurts you.” And, it very well may have, because I’ve learned that the task of administering discipline is not easy nor does it feel good.

Dr. Man, who also received a spanking or two in his youth, and I have had many humorous conversations about this hotly debated topic.  As kids, we both knew what misdeeds and mischievious actions would warrant either a lecture, items being taken away or the much dreaded spanking.   But, what is important here is that we, as children, knew or at least could anticipate which actions would bring out certain punishments.  I can recall a particular incident where I got into trouble.  I received a lecture from my mother, then had my television privileges taken away from me.  However, I begged my mother for a spanking.  Why? Because I knew that receiving the lecture and then spanking would be short and quick, but the lecture and having my TV privileges suspended would last longer and thus ”hurt” more. But, before I digress any further, what I’m getting at is that kids aren’t dumb.  In fact, I believe that most children are highly perceptive, clueing in on verbal and non-verbal signals from day one (research backs me up on this too) and that kids are some of the most skilled manipulators out there.  They can and often anticipate the moves that the adults in their lives will make and then use it for their benefit.

As a teacher, I hear kids talk about what their parents or guardians will or won’t do to them when they get into trouble.  I have overheard kids plot and plan what they would say and do to weasel out of both minor and major situations.  A former student once told me how she got a judge to drop an attempted manslaughter charge against her, while admitting to and describing to me, in graphic detail, exactly how she beat and permanently damaged a girl. 

But, what I find deeply disturbing is that most of the kids that I work with have never had limits or boundaries established.  They have been allowed to say and do as they please from a very early age (because it started off as cute and/or those in charge didn’t like the unpleasant feeling of having to discipline) and have never had clear-cut and consistent consequences.

I mentioned in an earlier post, Who Is In Control Of Who, how the doctor told my dad, as soon as I exited my mother’s womb, “Now, son be careful.  She’s learning . . .” I’m no expert, nor do I believe that all of the so-called child “experts” have all the answers.  In fact I think that a lot of the so-called expert advice has caused confusion, been more of a hindrance than help and only served to bring the “expert” publicity and money . However, it has been my experience that by the time a child passes the age of 12 (some say even younger) trying to crack the whip on behavior that has spiraled out of control is often too late.

I have said it here and in other places so many times, and here I go again, Parents you set the tone!  YOU decide how the game is going to be played.  YOU are one of if not the greatest influence your child will ever have.  It is critical that your child is taught that this world demands order and discipline and it all begins at home, with you.

I firmly believe that how a parent chooses to discipline his or her child is their business and their business only.  I don’t believe that the government should regulate how a parent chooses to discipline their kid.  However, I do believe that there is a link between rising rates of violence in schools (and violence period among American youth) and a lack of discipline.  I look back at how I, along with my peers, was raised and listen to stories told by my parents and other older relatives and friends about how they were disciplined as kids.  While bad seeds have undoubtedly existed since the beginning of humankind, talking back, let alone swearing at parents, teachers and other adults was taboo.  A kid wouldn’t dare think of striking or spitting on an adult.  Bad behavior in school and elsewhere was simply not tolerated. Even kids shunned others who were known to act out and misbehave. Respect was taught and expected.  And, on top of all that, I never once feared for my life and safety while attending school.  Sadly, times have changed for the worse and what was once unthinkable is now reality.

What are your thoughts on this issue?  Are you for or against a ban on spanking? Looking back at your own childhood and in light of recent incidents of school violence and out of control kids (e.g. the Texas cheerleaders), Do you believe that parents have gone lax in the discipline department?

Sources:

L. A. Times

Reuters

KABC TV Los Angeles

KNBC TV Los Angeles